my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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