Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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