You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
