so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
