Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
