our cab driver is having phone sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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