The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
