My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
