My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
