Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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