ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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