Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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