I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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