First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
