i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
