You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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