His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
honey bunches of taint.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
