Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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