booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
