My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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