brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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