My nipple is on Facebook.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
