Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
