those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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