went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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