we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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