i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
