We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
