my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
