And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
do nipples grow back?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
