Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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