I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
