Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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