I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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