ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
