the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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