Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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