Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Still dying that you shit outside
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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