Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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