Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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