i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
