just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
