I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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