Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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