I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
