fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
