So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
