So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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