your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
