those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
