grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
