I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
