he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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