My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the liver wants what the liver wants
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
