wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
