i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
