i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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