I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
