Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
