I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
