so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
porn star boner night. come get it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
